I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
