Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Randomize
