I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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