the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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