you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
