Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
