In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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