I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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