This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
