Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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