My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
