My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
