Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
