Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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