i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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