I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize