Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
