this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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