ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
