My nipple is on Facebook.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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