True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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