Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
