I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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