Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
