: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
