My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
