Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
