living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
