her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
