Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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