Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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