Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
