i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
