I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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