That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
