I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
