i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
