I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
