By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
