she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
