Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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