My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
