Im at strip club and am horny
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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