I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
