i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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