i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
