Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
