I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
