i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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