Your dad touched me again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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