if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
