i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
