I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
