You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
