Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
