I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
