there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
