he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
