YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
