I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
